May 28, 2024 2:08 am

Before you say ‘I do’ – Excerpts from a singles love summit

The Church of Pentecost as part of celebrating the month of love organised a love summit for the youth in the church across its various assemblies nationwide. 

With the nationwide theme of ‘Let there be love shared among us’, the Achimota zone of the Achimota Area had two distinguished speakers who elucidated the youth on some of the prerequisites before taking someone to the aisle.

Speaking on the subtheme; Discerning the will of God about a potential marriage partner, a marriage counsellor with the Achimota English Assembly, Mhaevis Tobbin, demystified some of the misconceptions associated with choosing a perfect partner for oneself.

In choosing a partner, Mrs Tobbin indicated one needs to prepare the self to be received by someone. She counselled the congregants not to look too far in searching for a partner. The reason she explained, was because, “God has prepared someone for you and that person could be around you”.

Secondly, she asked singles to pray in searching for partners. In as much as people can meet their partners at so many places, the church’s Deaconess shared everyone has been placed at a certain location with someone specially prepared for at that place. Therefore, one should look around as they pray and would surely locate the person prepared for him/her.

“You’re at a certain place because God has placed your partner here. So look around whilst you pray. The prayer is not always about God doing something but you also standing firm,” she noted.

She also advised singles not to get too worried with age in order not to create obsessions and fantasise certain people to choose the wrong partners.

Additionally, looking at what one lacks as a man according to Mrs. Tobbin is very important in choosing a potential spouse. What a man lacks, she averred, is situated in his woman (Eve) and the woman should equally know what she possesses to compliment her man.

“If you’re a quiet shy person, you need an active lady that can push you along to achieve. You need that balance as a couple so your children can benefit,” she said.

Genesis 2: 21-24, 28, Jeremiah 29:13

Meanwhile, Esther Ayerakwa, wife of Apostle Peter Ayerakwa, a retired Minister of the COP, also spoke on the ‘The final checks before you say “I do”.

She introduced her topic by saying “marriage goes beyond the big gowns at weddings and all the beautiful dances we see”.

Mrs. Ayerakwa’s session was more interactive and preceded by some questions. Below are the questions she asked, the responses from the congregation, and her additions to the responses from the congregants.

1. Why should you know God before getting married?

Response 1: Because marriage is instituted by God so before you get in it, you should know Him.

Response 2: Being a Christian is the right atmosphere to start a family.

2. Why is it important to marry a Christian?

Response 1: We shouldn’t be equally yoked with unbelievers.

Response 2: Two Christians can resolve their challenges through his word easily.

Response 3: God said we should procreate and it is better to marry a Christian so you can bring them up the Christian way.

Response 4: So that you can be guided by the word of God. When you find a wife, Bible says you’ve found a good thing and the Lord’s favour will come upon you.

Mrs Ayerakwa added to the responses that, one should “never marry to reform. It is only God who can change people so marry a Christian. 2 Cor 6:14, Gen 24.”

3. Is parental consent really necessary?

Response 1: The marriage is uniting two families backed by spirit so if your parents spirit doesn’t go with the other family, it’s not the best.

Response 2: It is an acknowledgment for your parents to receive their blessings

She further asked if those who ignore their parents and choose people to represent them in their marriages is good. In her own response, she highlighted the need to leave home with the blessings of one’s parents and hence, the necessity to get their consent.

The following are questions from the audience and the responses Mrs. Ayerakwa provided. Mrs. Ayerakwa’s Response are indicated (MAR) below.

Question: What if per your prayer, God gives you a partner and your parents are against that partner?

MAR: Don’t disregard your parents at that instance but keep praying and the Lord will soften their heart.

Question: If your step father who took care of you and your biological father disagree (one approves, the other doesn’t) on whom to marry, what do you do.

MAR: You still don’t rebuke any. Pray for the Lord’s intervention.

Question: If your parents are pairing you with a partner and per your prayers, the Lord says no, how do you marry the two since Bible says we should obey our parents.

MAR: Be convinced and let them know the person isn’t right for you. This is not disobedience. Be firm and pray and because at the end of the day, you’re going to be in the marriage. Don’t commit yourself to it of your spirit is not in tandem with the man/woman.

She then delved into her main topic, the final checks to do before you say “I do”. The following are some contributions from those who were present and the further insight the Apostle retiree’s wife gave.

1. You must be financially sound

MAR: People borrow to do weddings and suffer afterwards. Even if it’s your own small money, don’t use all. Leave some of the money to spend after the wedding. Wedding has now become a competition and that must be avoided to prevent debt. Cut your coat according to your material.

2. You must be mentally matured.

MAR: You must know what marriage entails before entering it. Maturity is not necessarily age. An 18 year old could be matured on marriage things more than a 30 year old. Read about the role of the constituents in the family.

3. You should be medically fit.

MAR: Checking your genotype in order not to give birth to carriers.

4. Emotional maturity.

MAR: Learn to know how to relate to your partner. These are the things we are supposed to check during courtship but rather, we spend most of that time having sex. Once you have sex, you take everything from the other like that.

5. Don’t be a second husband or wife.

MAR: That’s why it is necessary to do background checks before committing to someone.

Question: Does the church aid with the background check?

MAR: The church has its role but you need to do the checks yourself. Some rush the counselling processes and all because some could be pregnant and would want to cover up. So the church’s check becomes limited during the counselling process.

6. You must be physically groomed.

MAR: This entails how to keep the home and yourself. A man should know how to do chores to help the wife. Many of the cases I have these days is that, many women don’t know how to cook. Some guys don’t like bathing, washing their bed spread etc.

7. Make sure you don’t get deceived by fake people.

MAR: The makeups are too much. Many of you ladies change and look like corpse during your weddings because the makeups are too much. Be yourself.

Question: If God chooses a partner for you and he/she lacks any of the final checks, what do you do?

MAR: You work on it. You get to know the person very well during courtship and if there is a problem, you work on it. If you’re a man and your manhood is not working, fix it before you marry.

Question: Cohabitants who have become Christians and want to do Christian marriage, what should the man do when the list is unbearable?

MAR: We should know how to carry ourselves before our in-laws-to-be in order not to give any impression for a long list. The ladies should also talk to their parents to reduce it. A lot of ladies are not married because their lists are too long. Cohabitation in itself is also bad because you can’t be performing marital roles whilst you’re not.

Mrs Tobbin: Learn the real things about marriage from home. Consult people before things get out of hand. There are people there to help you. Many of the TV stuff are not real. Confide in some of the experienced people in the church even if it’s not the pastor or the wife.

8. Be submissive and know how to love before you say “I do”.

MAR: Visit the person’s family and know how he treats his siblings. But because of the supposed relationships, people pretend before their partners and don’t get to know the real characters of their potential partners.


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